True Love Is a Choice and It Gets Better With Time: Here's Why

The concept of "true love" often conjures images of spontaneous emotion, irresistible chemistry, or a fated connection. However, a profound examination of Scripture reveals a different, more robust understanding: true love is fundamentally a deliberate choice, a sustained act of the will that, when faithfully pursued, deepens and enriches over time. This biblical perspective elevates love from a fleeting sentiment to an enduring, covenantal commitment, reflecting the very character of God. Defining Love Biblically: Agape as Intentional Choice In discussions of love, the Bible offers a nuanced vocabulary that distinguishes various forms of affection. While Greek terms like eros (romantic desire), philia (brotherly affection, friendship), and storge (familial love) describe natural human bonds, the New Testament predominantly utilizes agape to characterize the highest form of divine and human love. Agape is not primarily an emotion but a volitional act, a principled commitment to the well-being of another, irrespective of their merit or the reciprocating feelings. This understanding is crucial because it positions love as something commanded, something we are called to do, rather than simply feel. Jesus commanded His followers to "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" and to "love your neighbor as yourself" Matthew 22:37-39. The capacity to choose agape love is a hallmark of human agency, reflecting the imago Dei (image of God). God's own love for humanity, described as agape, serves as the ultimate model. "But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" Romans 5:8. This was not an impulsive or conditional love, but a deliberate, self-sacrificial act made when humanity was undeserving, demonstrating agape's inherent nature as choice and commitment. The profound treatise on love in 1 Corinthians 13, often read at weddings, details the actions and characteristics of agape love—patience, kindness, not envying, not boasting, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking—all of which are manifestations of chosen behavior rather than spontaneous emotion. This elevates love beyond mere feeling, establishing it as a foundational ethical and spiritual commitment (see our article on The Ethics of Love in Scripture). The Covenantal Nature of Love: Marriage as a Paradigm The biblical narrative consistently frames enduring relationships, particularly marriage, within the language of covenant. A covenant is a solemn, binding agreement, often sealed with an oath, that establishes a relationship and outlines responsibilities. Unlike a contract, which can be broken if terms are unmet, a covenant is intended to be lifelong and unconditional, reflecting God's own covenant faithfulness. From the very beginning, marriage is presented as a divine institution rooted in covenant: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become…